Frustration to Joy

As I sit here in West Africa looking at the latest Ebola numbers I can’t help but feel a little discouraged. I keep hoping that I will wake up one day to find that the numbers have dropped significantly and that the outbreak is close to an end. Sadly, it seems that the numbers are not dropping and that this outbreak is far from over. My home country is one of the 3 countries that are directly affected by Ebola. About 2 months ago the decision was made to temporarily relocate my team to another country in West Africa. When we were first leaving the city 2 months ago I didn’t really know what to think or feel. I kept telling myself that this would only be for a small time and that I would get to come back home again sometime soon. Well, as I sit here writing this I can tell you that this time out of my country has been much harder than I ever thought it would be. I have been learning what it means to mourn the loss of a place and knowing that there is a horrible disease ravaging my home and there is nothing I can do to stop it but to give it up to the Father.

“We pr*y that you’ll have strength to stick it out over the long haul – not the grim strength of gritting your teeth bur the glory-strength G*d gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bring and beautiful that He has for us.” ~ Col. 1:11-12 (The Message)

I found this passage from The Word a few weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since. I mean just the thought that He gives us strength to endure the unendurable and that that strength would spill over into joy is something that I can’t stop thinking about. I have to be honest with you though…I must say that there have been days the last 2 months when I have felt like I don’t have enough strength to endure this and that it has not been spilling over into joy, but rather frustration, anger, and bitterness. I have been angry that this disease is infecting thousands of people and truly frustrated by the responses of people. When I first came to West Africa back in April, Ebola had just broken in the news. Only about 100 cases had been reported and I thought to myself that it was not a big deal and that they would get it controlled in a few weeks. Well here I am 7 months later watching as the largest Ebola outbreak in history is taking place in Guinea, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. I never could have imagined that the outbreak would have gotten this bad.

Now I’m gonna be honest with you, it could be so easy for me to just blame the Father right now. I could be so mad and upset and ask why did He let this outbreak happen? Why did He make me leave my country? Why is He causing me to go through this heartbreak? But here is the beauty of the Father…He doesn’t have to tell us why. We just have to know and trust that He has a bigger plan and purpose for all of this. Several months ago I was reading in the devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, and I came across this passage:

“I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to the Father, not me. The Father is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. When I strop telling my Father what I want, He can freely work His will in me without hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness.”

I mean talk about a slap in the face. He can crush me…He can exalt me…do anything He chooses. There are so many days when I am sure the Father is just like, dude, get out of the way and let me work!! For those of you that know me, you know that I like to have an idea of what is coming and to have a plan. I guess the Father has really been trying to beat that out of me, because if these last 7 months have taught me anything, it is that I have to rely on Him, and Him alone. If I let frustration get in the way, if I tell the Father what I want, I will never be able to see the full amazing plan that the Father has for me. If I try to get through life under my own strength I will fail, and I will be miserable. I must let Him be my strength so that I will be able to endure it all and come out on the other side with joy and with total faith in Him.

All this being said, please know that this is a constant, and daily fight for me. I think sometimes we like to blame our attitude on our circumstances, but a lot of the time we are the ones that choose to be angry, bitter, or frustrated. When I wake up in the morning I have to choose that joy. I have to choose to trust in His goodness and know that He has a plan. I have to trust Him and know that even though Ebola is a horrible thing and it is keeping me from my home, that He has a greater plan for all of it. I don’t know what that plan is yet, and I may not know for a while, but I have to trust that there is one. And I’ll be honest with you, there are days when I do not choose joy, and at the end of the day I know it and I wish I had chosen differently. There are days when I let my circumstances get the best of me and I let them dictate everything about me. So know that I am far from perfect in this and I too am learning this lesson every day. But I hope that as I learn it that I will be filled with joy and that I will learn to daily trust Him.

I feel like I am just telling you all my struggles right now and showing how much I have failed recently, but I hope that by sharing this with you that you may be encouraged. My desire with this blog is not to just share really cool stories about life in West Africa, but for you to see that life is sometimes pretty tough here. My hope and pr*yer is that if you are going through a time where you don’t understand why He is doing something or where you are letting your circumstances dictate your life, that you would give it to the Father. Know that you are not alone in doing this. I am doing it everyday and so know that I am walking right alongside you in this. I always feel like it is a little easier to walk through something tough when you know that someone else is walking through it with you. But also know that the Father is walking through it with you as well. No matter what it is, He is always with you, every step of the way.

Faith Over Fear

Imagine what things could be possible if all we had was faith and not fear?

I have been trying to think about the right words to write about this, but I have come up empty. Instead, I think the song "Oceans" by Hillsong United does a pretty good job of summing up my thoughts...

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)" ~ Hillsong United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Baobabs and Fear

These past few days I have been in meetings with my team. My team is made up of 10 different people who live in 3 different countries. We do not usually get to all be together, so it was nice to see everyone and talk about the different work that is going on in West Africa. As part of our team meetings we had the chance to go to a high ropes course that is up in Baobab trees. Now if you know me at all, you know that I am deathly afraid of heights. I do not like going up in tall buildings and I hate flying. So, to me, the idea of doing a high ropes course in WA among Baobab trees sounded both really cool and absolutely horrifying. But of course, I wanted to try it to prove to myself that I could do it even though I was scared out of my mind.  

As I started to climb the very first ladder to get up into the tree I knew that this course was going to be really really hard. I was able to get through the first few obstacles without too much fear, but as they began getting more difficult and higher up, my fear began to set in. I reached the platform at the end of a zip line and I couldn't move. I just sat on the platform, perched 40 feet in the air unable to move. My fear of heights had crippled me. I sat on that platform for probably 15 minutes shaking, and crying because I was so afraid. I am so thankful that my friend MB was with me, otherwise I think I may still be sitting up in that tree. When I was sitting on that platform thinking that I was never going to be able to finish and that I was such a failure, she sat there beside me and waited. She kept encouraging me, saying that I was doing so good and to look at how far I had come. In that moment I was just so done with that ropes course that I just wanted to get down. I was finally able to compose myself enough to get across one final rope bridge and then down one final zip line to the ground. I can honestly say I had never been so happy to be on solid ground.

As I sit here today and write this I cannot help but think about how that whole experience could describe our lives and our walk with the Father. I think about how many times we go through things that we are so afriad of and how many times we just end up sitting high up in a Baobab tree unable to move. Each one of those obstacles on the ropes course is just like obstacles that we go through in life; some are easier than others, and there are always a few that we feel like we will never be able to get through. But even in those times when we reach the point when we get stuck in the tree and can't go on, the Father is there, sitting next to us, holding us, reminding us of how far we have come and showing us how strong we truly are. No matter how difficult the obsticle may be, my Father stays the same. 

I'm not gonna lie, I was really disappointed with myself because I wasn't able to do the entire course and I was embarrassed that I broke down like that in front of my team, but even though I felt that way, they still were encouraging me to finish what I could and loved me through that difficulty. Our Father does the same thing for us. There are times in our lives when we are disappointed or embarrassed, but here is the really cool thing, the Father still loves us the same. When we think how upset we are when we don't finish something, He says to us, don't focus on how you didn't finish, but look how much you have accomplished! Look how far you have come, look at all you have done! We serve a Father who loves to walk with us through all of our difficulties in life. He has also placed us in the Body so that we may walk through life together. We are not meant to walk through life alone. Even in the times when it feels like our community has abandoned us, the Father is still there, sitting by our side encouraging us to keep going. 

So when you have those times when you get stuck up in a Baobab tree too scared to move, remember that you are not alone up there. Remember that the Father is sitting in that tree right next to you, ready to help you take your next step, and to help you finish the course. It may not always be easy, but when you are able to stand up, and to finish the course, all of that fear will become a thing of the past and you will see, just as the Father does, how far you truly have come. 

Purpose for the Pain

Life in West Africa is hard.

I knew this fact long before I ever moved here. Even though I knew full well that it was going to be very hard to live here, I was still willing to get on a plane and move halfway around the world at the age of 24. I was reading an article the other day and it was titled, "What If I Fall Apart on the 'M' Field?", and it addressed the topic of how when people move overseas it can sometimes bring out the "ugly" in your life. Even if you do not live overseas or even if you have never been overseas, I highly suggest you read this article. It is really short but it is really good. You can read the article here.

There was a paragraph in the article that I really loved because I felt like it pretty much hit me right where I am right now. The author says, "So maybe those multiple breakdowns have a purpose. Maybe knowing your weaknesses means you know G-d more intimately. Maybe you are exactly where He wants you to be, right at this moment. Maybe living overseas means becoming the person G-d created you to be." I think a lot of times when you read updates from M's, they are usually full of really great stories of how the Father is working. I know when I was a kid I thought that M's had the coolest life ever. They got to live all over the world and always do really amazing things, and they never have bad days. Well let's just say I was so wrong! Yes, I do get to live overseas, and yes I do get to do some really amazing things, but I am human, I have bad days. My bad days just may look a little different than yours. But here's the thing, while I do have bad days I also have good days, and it's those good days, those days when I see Him work, that make all of those bad days seem not so bad.

I have been in West Africa for 3 months now, and I'm going to be honest with you, these have been the most exhausting, stressful, fun, and crazy months of my life. But I wouldn't change them for anything. I have learned so much about the Father and His character. I have been constantly reminded of His faithfulness and His goodness. I serve a really cool Father, and I have daily been reminded of that over the last 3 months. Now I may not have always listened to those reminders every time, but they have been there! Not only have I learned about the Father, but the Father has been teaching me about me. I used to joke with a friend that it usually takes me going half way around the world for me to finally see what the Father has been trying to show me. I feel like so far this time in West Africa has been no different. But I am so thankful for this time. I am so thankful for the Father continuing to reveal to me how He has made me and how He has really cool things planned for me.

Now I'm not saying that I just had this epiphany one night and I just knew what He was saying...I wished that's how it worked. No, sometimes it took me breaking down in front of my supervisor because I felt inadequate, for Him to remind me that He has made me more than adequate for this time. Sometimes it took me breaking down at language because I wasn't understanding anything, for Him to remind me that He will give me the mind to learn French and that in the end, He will be the one that gives me the words to say. Sometimes it took me sitting in my apartment feeling totally and completely alone that He reminded me that I would never be alone; that He would never send me somewhere and abandon me. It's those reminders from the Father that keep me going. He is the one that called me here, and it is He is the one who will keep me here.

So with all that being said, I want to encourage you with this...even though this article was written to those who live overseas, I think that it can really be for anyone. We all have times when our "ugly" starts to creep out. We all have bad days. We all have days when we are overwhelmed, worn out, and feel totally alone. I want to encourage you to know that you are never, ever, alone. My guess is that there is probably someone in your life who has felt the same way as you. And I can guarantee that even in those darkest times, you are never truly alone. Even when it feels as though the Father is so distant, He's not. He is sitting right next to you just waiting for you to come to Him. Sometimes the Father has to break us down and that is not always fun. Sometimes we have to go through deep, dark valleys. But here is the cool thing, we have a faithful Father who desires nothing more than to help you out of that valley and put you back together again. I want to encourage you that when you have times like this, that you will cling to the Father. He is the giver of life and He is the one that brings New Life.


He is the reason I will fight through those bad days.


He is the reason I live in West Africa.

Who Will Go For Us?

So this post kind of goes along with the same theme as my last post. It's just been something that has been on my heart for a while and so I thought why not write 2 posts about it??

It is such a rarity to find someone, no matter where you are in the world, who is so committed to taking the Good News to a place where it has never gone. I am blessed to be able to work with some of the greatest people in the world that share that desire in taking the Good News to the unreached places of the world. Occasionally we come across a national who shares that same desire and who is willing to go out to the hard to reach places and take the Good News to those who have yet to hear. I was fortunate to meet such a man not too long ago. We were on a research trip along the coast and we met a man who is a member of a local Fellowship, lets call him Sam. He gets on his motorbike and goes out to the places that are hard to reach and he shares the Good News with the people. Sam has a heart for the lost and a heart for those who have never heard. It is rare to meet a national who truly has a desire to go out and reach those who some believe to be unreachable. I had the awesome opportunity to go to one of these villages with Sam. The only way to get to this village is to either walk for an hour or to take a 15-minute motorbike ride. I was all for riding the motorbike and so I got to ride with Sam while another member of my team road with another member of the local Fellowship. 

As we road out to the village, Sam and I began to talk. He of course wanted to know why I wasn’t married, as do most Africans I meet. He wanted to know what I studied in school as well as why I chose to come live in West Africa. I explained to him that I have a desire for those who have never heard the Good News to have an opportunity to hear. I told him and I wanted, like him, to go out the hard to reach places and share. Sam then shared with me about his wife and kids. He shared with me that he had no always been the best person. He shared with me that he used to go out drinking and that he was a womanizer. He said that the best day of his life was when he was introduced to the Good News. He said that he wants to share that feeling of joy and freedom that he has felt with people all over his country. He goes out almost everyday and shares the Good News in villages all around his home area. 

I told Sam that it is always encouraging for me to hear how the Father has worked in someone’s life. I love to hear stories of how people were caught up in the things of the world and how the Father came into their lives and changed them completely. I told him that we all have done things in the past that we are ashamed of, but that the Father can use anyone to do His work. I think that Sam is evidence of that fact. The Father has taken a man from West Africa and has totally changed his life and has given him a desire to go and share with those who have not heard. The world needs more people like Sam. We need more people like him, who are willing to go to the places that are hard. We need people who are willing to no be ashamed of their stories, but who are willing to use them to share the freedom that comes from the Father. I think we all could benefit from being a little more like Sam. 

To the Ends of the Earth

“But you will be my witnesses…to the ends of the earth.” I have always thought to myself, hmmm, I wonder what it would be like to go to the ends of the earth. Well, I think I have finally discovered what that is like. My team and I were on a research trip recently and we came upon a village that was faaaaar down a dirt road. When we pulled into the village we saw rows and rows of stick and mud buildings. Most of the buildings had thatched roofs, but a few of them were lucky enough to have corrugated steel for their roof. As soon as I stepped out of the truck I was immediately greeted by the smell and sound of the ocean. I could hear the waves crashing into the shore; at first I thought it was thunder because the waves were so loud. I could hear and smell the ocean, but could not see it. Instead, all that I could see where these stick and mud buildings and the people who called them home. As we started walking through the village, the ocean became louder and louder, I knew we were getting close. Eventually we made our way through the village to the ocean; I felt like I had reached the ends of the earth. There was literally nowhere to go but the ocean or to turn around and go back through the village. I walked down onto the beach and watched as the fishermen brought in their catch from the day. I watched as the children of the village filled little bags with sand to be used as weights on the nets. Everyone had a role; they knew what to do and how to do it.

It is really kind of cool to just sit in a village and watch the people do their daily tasks. They live such different lives from you and me, and yet, they are not really all that different. The Father has made them in His image, just as He made you and me and in His image. He loves them just as much as He loves you and me. I sit and wonder sometimes how it is that people can live in a village that is so far out there. When I think about all of the things that you can find in the city it amazes me how they are able to live so isolated from everything. There are a few people in the village that have a generator to run power and most everyone in Africa has a cell phone today, but I am always in awe of the people who make their homes from sticks and mud. I am also in awe that in the year 2014, there are still people who live on the ends of the earth who have never heard the Good News.

As I go into these villages that are so isolated, I am truly amazed that the Good News has not reached them. I was reading a book the other day and it was talking about where the Good News has and has not gotten. It was saying that it seems more and more the places that have yet to hear are the places that really are at the end of the earth. My desire is to go to those kinds of places. There are some places in West Africa where you have to walk for several hours just to get to the villages because there is no road for car or motorbike; I desire to go to those places. My heart is for the people in those hard to reach villages. I desire to make the terms Unengaged Unreached People Group and Unreached People Group obsolete. I serve an awesome Father and I know He desires for all to hear, otherwise He would not have said that we would be His witnesses to the ends of the earth. I get so excited at the idea that He would even let me go and share the Good News with those who literally are living on the ends of the earth.  

Faith and Rocks

So I am going to be real honest with you, I am not the greatest blog writer and so I am not sure how this whole blog thing is going to go. I had a blog a few years ago but I was not all that disciplined about posting so I took it down. My hope for this blog is to give you an idea of what my life is like here in West Africa. I also hope to give you an idea of what is going through my head and what is on my heart. I can’t guarantee that everything I post on here is will be happy and fun, because lets be honest, life is hard and it is not always happy and fun, but my hope is that with every post you read you will see how faithful our Father is, and how He is moving and working, even in the hardest of places. I think it is going to be a pretty wild ride, so hang on…here goes nothing!

I have been in West Africa for about 6 weeks now, and it has been non-stop since. There are days when I can’t believe that it is already the middle of May. I mean where did the time go? When I look back on the last 6 weeks I think about all of the awesome things the Father has done and how He has been moving. But there are some days when I get frustrated and only think about how things have not gone how I thought they would and forget how faithful He has been. I think that seems to be a tendency for a lot of us; we spend time looking back on how faithful the Father has been, but when something bad happens, we seem to forget all of that and only focus only on our frustrations. It seems like in life we spend too much time focusing on the negative, when we should just give in all to Him and know that He is faithful in every part of life. Now I know, that is soooo much easier said than done, but how many times in The Word does it talk about how faithful He is? Ok I don’t know the exact number, but I’m pretty sure it’s a lot.

When I first got to WA I started to read through the book of Joshua. I wanted to read through something that showed the Father’s faithfulness as well as what it looks like to have total trust in Him. And come on, if walking around a wall 7 times and yelling doesn’t take trust I don’t know what does! So I began reading Joshua and I got to chapter 4, where it talks about the 12 memorial stones. Joshua told one man from each of the 12 tribes to get a stone and they built an alter to the Father. This alter was to remind the people of Israel of all that the Father had done for them. When they had days full of frustration and sorrow, they could look at the memorial and be reminded of how faithful the Father had been to them. When I read this I was like, man that would be kind of cool, to have my own memorial made of stones, each stone representing a time when He has been faithful. So that is what I did, I looked back over the last 1½ years and started listing all of the ways the Father has been faithful. For those of you that don’t know, I started the application to come to WA over a year and a half ago. It was a long, and at times, frustrating process, but when I look back on it all, it is so easy to see how faithful He has been through it all. I could focus on how long the process was or on how things may be different than I originally thought they would be. I could focus on how hot it is here, or the fact that I don't have electricity 24 hours a day. I could focus on how frustrating the culture in WA can be or how I really wish I could just go get Taco Bell. But instead I am going focus on how faithful He has been to get me here and how He will be faithful to keep me here and to use me.

So while things in WA don’t always go as planned…ok really they rarely go as planned…on those days when I get so frustrated with everything, I will look at my pile of rocks and remember how faithful He has been and how He will continue to be faithful through it all. Who knew, a little pile of rocks could be such a simple reminder of something so great.