Baobabs and Fear

These past few days I have been in meetings with my team. My team is made up of 10 different people who live in 3 different countries. We do not usually get to all be together, so it was nice to see everyone and talk about the different work that is going on in West Africa. As part of our team meetings we had the chance to go to a high ropes course that is up in Baobab trees. Now if you know me at all, you know that I am deathly afraid of heights. I do not like going up in tall buildings and I hate flying. So, to me, the idea of doing a high ropes course in WA among Baobab trees sounded both really cool and absolutely horrifying. But of course, I wanted to try it to prove to myself that I could do it even though I was scared out of my mind.  

As I started to climb the very first ladder to get up into the tree I knew that this course was going to be really really hard. I was able to get through the first few obstacles without too much fear, but as they began getting more difficult and higher up, my fear began to set in. I reached the platform at the end of a zip line and I couldn't move. I just sat on the platform, perched 40 feet in the air unable to move. My fear of heights had crippled me. I sat on that platform for probably 15 minutes shaking, and crying because I was so afraid. I am so thankful that my friend MB was with me, otherwise I think I may still be sitting up in that tree. When I was sitting on that platform thinking that I was never going to be able to finish and that I was such a failure, she sat there beside me and waited. She kept encouraging me, saying that I was doing so good and to look at how far I had come. In that moment I was just so done with that ropes course that I just wanted to get down. I was finally able to compose myself enough to get across one final rope bridge and then down one final zip line to the ground. I can honestly say I had never been so happy to be on solid ground.

As I sit here today and write this I cannot help but think about how that whole experience could describe our lives and our walk with the Father. I think about how many times we go through things that we are so afriad of and how many times we just end up sitting high up in a Baobab tree unable to move. Each one of those obstacles on the ropes course is just like obstacles that we go through in life; some are easier than others, and there are always a few that we feel like we will never be able to get through. But even in those times when we reach the point when we get stuck in the tree and can't go on, the Father is there, sitting next to us, holding us, reminding us of how far we have come and showing us how strong we truly are. No matter how difficult the obsticle may be, my Father stays the same. 

I'm not gonna lie, I was really disappointed with myself because I wasn't able to do the entire course and I was embarrassed that I broke down like that in front of my team, but even though I felt that way, they still were encouraging me to finish what I could and loved me through that difficulty. Our Father does the same thing for us. There are times in our lives when we are disappointed or embarrassed, but here is the really cool thing, the Father still loves us the same. When we think how upset we are when we don't finish something, He says to us, don't focus on how you didn't finish, but look how much you have accomplished! Look how far you have come, look at all you have done! We serve a Father who loves to walk with us through all of our difficulties in life. He has also placed us in the Body so that we may walk through life together. We are not meant to walk through life alone. Even in the times when it feels like our community has abandoned us, the Father is still there, sitting by our side encouraging us to keep going. 

So when you have those times when you get stuck up in a Baobab tree too scared to move, remember that you are not alone up there. Remember that the Father is sitting in that tree right next to you, ready to help you take your next step, and to help you finish the course. It may not always be easy, but when you are able to stand up, and to finish the course, all of that fear will become a thing of the past and you will see, just as the Father does, how far you truly have come. 

Purpose for the Pain

Life in West Africa is hard.

I knew this fact long before I ever moved here. Even though I knew full well that it was going to be very hard to live here, I was still willing to get on a plane and move halfway around the world at the age of 24. I was reading an article the other day and it was titled, "What If I Fall Apart on the 'M' Field?", and it addressed the topic of how when people move overseas it can sometimes bring out the "ugly" in your life. Even if you do not live overseas or even if you have never been overseas, I highly suggest you read this article. It is really short but it is really good. You can read the article here.

There was a paragraph in the article that I really loved because I felt like it pretty much hit me right where I am right now. The author says, "So maybe those multiple breakdowns have a purpose. Maybe knowing your weaknesses means you know G-d more intimately. Maybe you are exactly where He wants you to be, right at this moment. Maybe living overseas means becoming the person G-d created you to be." I think a lot of times when you read updates from M's, they are usually full of really great stories of how the Father is working. I know when I was a kid I thought that M's had the coolest life ever. They got to live all over the world and always do really amazing things, and they never have bad days. Well let's just say I was so wrong! Yes, I do get to live overseas, and yes I do get to do some really amazing things, but I am human, I have bad days. My bad days just may look a little different than yours. But here's the thing, while I do have bad days I also have good days, and it's those good days, those days when I see Him work, that make all of those bad days seem not so bad.

I have been in West Africa for 3 months now, and I'm going to be honest with you, these have been the most exhausting, stressful, fun, and crazy months of my life. But I wouldn't change them for anything. I have learned so much about the Father and His character. I have been constantly reminded of His faithfulness and His goodness. I serve a really cool Father, and I have daily been reminded of that over the last 3 months. Now I may not have always listened to those reminders every time, but they have been there! Not only have I learned about the Father, but the Father has been teaching me about me. I used to joke with a friend that it usually takes me going half way around the world for me to finally see what the Father has been trying to show me. I feel like so far this time in West Africa has been no different. But I am so thankful for this time. I am so thankful for the Father continuing to reveal to me how He has made me and how He has really cool things planned for me.

Now I'm not saying that I just had this epiphany one night and I just knew what He was saying...I wished that's how it worked. No, sometimes it took me breaking down in front of my supervisor because I felt inadequate, for Him to remind me that He has made me more than adequate for this time. Sometimes it took me breaking down at language because I wasn't understanding anything, for Him to remind me that He will give me the mind to learn French and that in the end, He will be the one that gives me the words to say. Sometimes it took me sitting in my apartment feeling totally and completely alone that He reminded me that I would never be alone; that He would never send me somewhere and abandon me. It's those reminders from the Father that keep me going. He is the one that called me here, and it is He is the one who will keep me here.

So with all that being said, I want to encourage you with this...even though this article was written to those who live overseas, I think that it can really be for anyone. We all have times when our "ugly" starts to creep out. We all have bad days. We all have days when we are overwhelmed, worn out, and feel totally alone. I want to encourage you to know that you are never, ever, alone. My guess is that there is probably someone in your life who has felt the same way as you. And I can guarantee that even in those darkest times, you are never truly alone. Even when it feels as though the Father is so distant, He's not. He is sitting right next to you just waiting for you to come to Him. Sometimes the Father has to break us down and that is not always fun. Sometimes we have to go through deep, dark valleys. But here is the cool thing, we have a faithful Father who desires nothing more than to help you out of that valley and put you back together again. I want to encourage you that when you have times like this, that you will cling to the Father. He is the giver of life and He is the one that brings New Life.


He is the reason I will fight through those bad days.


He is the reason I live in West Africa.